Going through a divorce is like embarking on a 3 year puzzle. Maybe it takes longer. I don’t know, I’m totally guessing. For me it’s been more than 1 year, less than 2. I’m not trying to be vague but when did my divorce actually happen? Did it happen the day we decided to separate? Did it happen 6 months later when we filed our divorce papers? Did it happen 6 months after that when the divorce became legal? Maybe it happened subconsciously before any of these things.
Sometimes something small happens in my daily life, or in my current relationship, and then I think maybe I was mistaken to think it’s even in the past. Maybe divorce is the very last thing to happen, after you’ve made the decision, and moved out, and finished the legal process, and dated, and met someone, and your ex has met someone, and you’ve gotten involved in your work again, and time has gone by, and you’ve used up all the tearful calls to friends, and lived through two hundred mornings where you’re in the shower thinking “how can I still be thinking about this”, and you actually start to get angry that it’s taking so long. Maybe it happens well after all of that.
I’m grateful for my divorce, in every way. My ex and I never stopped being friends, never dropped out of each other’s lives, never walked away angry. What little we had we split equally, we don’t have kids, and still it’s a big long mess. And as those episodes of messiness get further and further apart, they are all the more alarming when they occur. Because you have forgotten them, or even worse, gotten cocky and told yourself they are vanquished forever. Then something small triggers a flashback, and you realize that you’ll have to live with it a while longer.